A Bottle of C2 and a Song

A friendly advice to anybody who happens to pass by this blog: NEVER drink C2 Green Tea at night, ever. Most especially if you have already consumed two bottles earlier in the day. Excessive C2 intake can cause sleeplessness, a sudden urge to write a song, and a throbbing headache the next day, as if you have drunk five bottles of soju. Okay, I’ve never had soju, but it’s said to be really strong.

 

So now, here’s the product of last night’s Frozen Dilats moment. Again, it started forming itself from a line borrowed from Lover’s Concerto, “I want to keep on hurting.”

 

 

Like You

 

Bring on the pain

I’m masochistic in that way

Up until 4 am

and thinking of scrapbooking

And oh, that lemon-flavored green tea is still

creeping through my system

flowing through my veins

like you, like you, like you

 

 

Oh-oh I don’t know how to stop

Oh-oh how to stop me

 

 

Bring on the rain

The hurting is what keeps me alive

watching late night cartoons

writing on my journal

And oh, the smell of cigarettes that you smoked

lingers on my hair

lingers in the air

like you,like you, like you

 

 

Oh-oh I don’t know how to stop

Oh-oh how to stop me

 

 

I am here next to nothing

siting in silence

I am here next to nothing

Bring on the pain

 

 

Oh-oh I wanna keep on

Oh-oh keep on hurting

Oh-oh I wanna keep on

Oh-oh how to stop me?

 

 

Be Still

I borrowed the line “be still, my little heart” from Jewel’s Jupiter and made, yet again, another cheesy love song. I must quit this lunacy.

 

Be Still

I need to stop creating worlds

with you and me

in my mind

Everything around me’s spinning fast

yet I don’t know

I’m left behind

Hey, be still, my little heart

Stop the crazy beating

Hey, be still, my little heart

Quit the senseless longing

 

 

I need to stop smiling

at everybody

They all know what’s with me

All the time walking in circles

Tell myself

It can never be

 

 

 

Hey, be still, my little heart

Stop the crazy beating

Hey, be still, my little heart

Quit the pointless yearning

Now Oh now

Before it’s too late

 

 

 

I need to stop waiting for you

You’re way ahead

You’ve left me here

You’re running your life

as well as you have always done

without me

 

 

 

Hey, be still, my little heart

Stop the crazy beating

Hey, be still, my little heart

Quit the senseless longing

Now, Oh now

Before it’s too late

 

 

 

I need to stop

dreaming of us

I can no longer bear the pain

But here you are

in front of me

Giving your famous smile again

Hey, be still my little heart…….

Yeah..

Hey, be still, I need you here

Won’t you say you’re staying

Hey, be still, just for a while

and feel this feeling

Hey, be still, I need you here

Won’t you say you’re staying

Now, Oh now

It’s never too late….

Just Another I’m-so-pathetically-in-love-with-you-and-you-don’t-know-it Song

entitled Backseat

 

if there’s a Passenger Seat(Stephen Speaks), there’s a Backseat.

 

and last night I was thinking of the one-sided Chang Bae-Shengka-Church man love triangle.

 

and of TJ and Bullet.

 

and myself seven years ago.

 

so this song was born.

 

Bow.

 

Backseat
by Kat Carneo

 

what a long road where you and I
have sadly never met
despite the seemingly close voice
you’re still so far, far away
what a long time, I’ve counted days and nights
with you in mind
but then you’ve never known
you’ve never known just why

and I’ve been busy all this time
wondering
you’ve been jumping up and down
just turn around please

will i ever know, i ever know
how it is to be with you?
well it’s been quite a while
oh, quite a while back here
will I ever be, i ever be next to you
and not here
on the losing end
the backseat of your life

 
what a sad song that has been
playing in my head but you
can never hear the melody ’cause
you’re so far, far away
what a long line I have been standing on
am standing still
but then you’ve never known,
you’ve never known just why

 
and I’ve been busy all this time
wondering
you’ve been jumping up and down
just turn around please

will i ever know, i ever know
how it is to be with you?
well it’s been quite a while
oh, quite a while back here
will I ever be, i ever be next to you
and not here
on the losing end
the backseat of your life

Partial Song #1: TELL ME

I typed this one from memory, as I could not find an original copy.There’s one stanza I could not remember. I’m thinking about writing a new one for it, but in the meantime I’ll just let it be. I still might find that darn old notebook where I wrote this one.

 This song was written in 2005.
Tell Me

Alone in the familiar comforts
of this square room
with gray walls
Unmindful of the slight pang
of age’s revenge
arriving too early

In my kingdom of cluttered thoughts
and dog-eared paperbacks
I listen to the silence of the night

And while the world is in slumber
You rob me of my sleep
And of my stubbornness
And of my brave facade
And whilethe world is in chaos
You give me my peace
And my security
And my strength
Tell me how you do it

*Missing Verse*
*Missing Verse*
*Missing Verse*
*Missing Verse*

In the rush of my childlike heart
craving for more
I listen for your footsteps at the door
And while the world is in slumber
You rob me of my sleep
And of my stubbornness
And of my brave facade
And whilethe world is in chaos
You give me my peace
And my security
And my strength
Tell me how you do it

Confessions

One day in December 2002, I happened to pass by a DVD store and on their display TV a Shakira concert was being played. Shakira was singing a Spanish song and there were English subtitles. The line that I read was “It’s all a matter of confessing…” and thus this song was born. It begins with exactly the same line.

And it talks about exactly how I am.

Confessions

It’s all a matter of confessing
I’m a bit of a sloth
And I don’t like those Japanese cartoons
you always watch
I spend too much money
And don’t plan things ahead of me
I have a problem with
accepting my mistakes
And I’m no
I’m no
No good for you

But still I want to tell you
Just so you would know
That I sleep a lot and sometimes
it’s hard to wake me up
I speak without thinking
Sometimes I hurt people
Sometimes I hide
Sometimes I cry
when no one sees

And I’m far from being perfect
Even if I want to be
You deserve someone better
Someone who’s not like me

It’s still a matter of confessing
maybe you’d understand
I like to stare at open spaces
and dream my life away
and it’s a matter of accepting
well i guess that’s true
if there’s anything
you might want to confess
I’ll accept that too

And I’m far from being perfect
Even if I want to be
You deserve someone better
Someone who’s not like me

I love you
well you know that’s true
I love you
so take me for what I am
 

Busy Finding Me

I wrote this when I was seventeen, and was a runaway. I was struggling with my self-identity and all that teenage boo-boo’s and this song says exactly how I felt, no matter how vague it might seem to be. Sadly, I had forgotten the melody of this song. I’m trying to give it another tune, but I can’t quite find the right one.

Busy Finding Me

I thought it over last night
I’m in this dark room
Turned off all the lights
I’ll try to alter what’s real
Maybe then, they’d understand how I feel

Coz I know that they don’t
The could but they won’t
And I don’t care what they see
I’m busy finding me (Repeat)

I freaked all over last night
What’s the use? I’ll never get it right
I’ll know myself inside out
They’ll learn to take me, no more doubts

But right now they just don’t
The could but they won’t
And I don’t care what they see
I’m busy finding me (Repeat)

Someday I’ll be
Who I ought to be
Someday they’ll learn
To love me for me

But right now they just don’t
The could but they won’t
And I don’t care what they see
I’m busy finding me (Repeat)

They Don’t Matter

Ferdie’s sister arrived from the province and brought some of Ferdie’s stuff that he especially asked for because I wanted to see his baby pictures. But instead of a cute little Ferdie I found an entire photo album of him and his ex-girlfriend, who was pretty as a doll. There were also many printed e-mails that the girl had sent him during the time they were together. I  didn’t pay much attention to it first, but he just left the whole stash lying around the house that it annoyed me so much.I would often torture myself by leafing over the pictures and skimming over the letters. It was incredibly stupid. First because I shouldn’t have looked over them. Second because they shouldn’t have made me feel bad. But I felt miserable at that time, because it was kind of hard to accept the fact that he had shared himself and his life to others before me. I’ve never been a second girlfriend before. Much more a sixth girlfriend. It’s incredibly immature but I couldn’t help it.

Anyway, this song I wrote made me feel better about it. I think that the lines are very tacky, but hey, they saved me from going crazy. Here goes:

THEY DON’T MATTER

I just realized today
They don’t matter anyway
Andthings before are all behind us now
No use trying to bring them back

I won’t flinch
I won’t feel stupid
I’ll just be happy I have you now

And them who once wanted you
They don’t matter anymore
Them who once have owned you
They can’t have you anymore
Them you used to cherish them
I don’t care, you love me more
And all the things I used to loathe
They don’t matter anymore

 And all the things they did before
Babe I can do so much more
And all the things they failed to do
All of them I’ll do for you

I won’t flinch
I won’t feel stupid
I’m just so happy I have you now

And them who once wanted you
They don’t matter anymore
Them who once have owned you
They can’t have you anymore
Them you used to cherish them
I don’t care, you love me more
And all the things I used to loathe
They don’t matter anymore

AndI’ll be the love of your life
To be wuth you everyday, every night
And I’ll be the best I can be
And love you endlessly
They don’t matter anymore.

And them who once wanted you
They don’t matter anymore
Them who once have owned you
They can’t have you anymore
Them you used to cherish them
I don’t care, you love me more
And all the things I used to loathe
They don’t matter anymore